Nocturnal Journal

Paranormal Romance Author
Mandy M. Roth
Vampires, Werewolves & Faeries...Oh My!
Saturday, August 14, 2004
My name ain't Rio...

But I'm feelin' very Brazilian, or at least a certain part of me is. (hint, hint) There are many pros to this newfound freedom. I am now unconstricted. Velcro is my friend once more. No longer do I shy away from the maxi pad aisle. I can use adhesives without hesitation. Better than that I can now avoid the senseless squirm when my hubby decides to travel to exotic locations. The beaches have not only been combed they have been sandblasted.

The cons. For a solid two days after my newfound freedom my 'lips' were swollen. Can I just say ouch and get a hug? The incredible lengths we as women go to will never cease to amaze me. If I'm not plucking, I'm waxing, or sanding it (yes, you read that right). I'm Italian, why is it that I feel the need to fight nature? And what do you use to ease the discomfort? Chap stick? Utter cream? Can you approach the pharmacist with a stratight face? "Excuse me, lips are chapped... can you help me?" Do you then have to elaborate further?

Do men go through this? NO! Do I have penis envy now? If it would ease the pain I would take one, thank you! ROFLMAO! I have no clue what I would do with it, and I'm thinking that my aim wouldn't be so good.

Hmm, moral to the story is that a tropical trip is a wonderful experience and can leave you feeling ultra sexy or utlra sore. Roll the dice, baby!


(who is now wondering how long it will be before her mother calls to yell at her for writing this on the internet)
posted by mandymroth @ 7:51 AM  
  • At 4:06 PM, Blogger Jen Z said…

    First off - I personally use Desitin. If it works for raw baby butts, it works for mine :) It's messy and all for a day or two, but afterwards, you are glad you did.

    I also use Coochy Creme during and after

    But yes, I'm sure your mother is going to fuss. Mine would laugh and call me wanting to know why I didn't ask for her Creme first.

    Jen Z.

  • At 2:00 PM, Blogger Vicki said…

    Bahahahaha.. I love this essay! You are singing my song here. All this crap we go through for the guys... hopefully after reading your essay they will have some appriciation for what we endure. LOL!
    OMG.. i just thought of something.. did Bright read this yet? hahahaha...

  • At 2:04 PM, Blogger mandymroth said…

    OMG... NO! I should send the link to everyone! They would die laughing!



  • At 4:54 PM, Blogger Jaide said…

    heh heh heh You're so funny, Mandy. I've gone bare down there. It makes me itch like crazy, and truthfully, I have so little hair anywhere on my body, sometimes I feel freakish. If I do a little trim, I look completely bare anyway, so I don't mess with it unless I'm feeling saucy. I'm the kinda girl that says to hell with it. Course, that could be why I ain't got a man. Ya think?

    Another thing you might want to steer clear of, until you're not irritated anymore, is thongs. They leave you exposed to some harsh stuff which can give you irritated bumps. Not pretty. Especially if you wear a lot of jeans.

  • At 8:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I don't know how long it took your Mom to call, but this is way more than an uncle needs to know.

    Congrats on the Number One. I expect you to sign my copy the next time we get to Vacationland.


  • At 7:16 AM, Blogger mandymroth said…

    *gulps* Uhh, hi uncle Paul! Good to see you over here...*gulps*

    *running and hiding now*


  • At 11:12 PM, Blogger Michelle M. Pillow said…

    You think this version's bad? I got this post in my inbox along with the live telling of it on the phone!

    LOL at Mandy. I swear, it's things like this that makes me your friend.


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